Being a Christian is hard.
Being a Christian friend is even harder.
For me, at least.
Early in my life I was the black and white friend. There
were rules about how you were supposed to behave and the things you were
supposed to and if my friend didn’t follow those, I let them know. I let them
know just how far off the path they were and exactly, step by step what they
needed to do to get back on track. But whose track was it? It wasn’t God’s
path. It was my perception of what God wanted.
A wise friend told me that judgment is based on human
motivation and not on God’s word. Even though I have heard these words
recently, they were so true of how I used to be. I did not have much knowledge
of God’s word. And the tidbits I did know, I used as a weapon of judgment with
sharp scriptural edges and a pointed finger. I lost a lot of friends with this
weapon and I decided I wanted to change. I wanted to be a light for people, not
someone who pushed people into darkness with harsh words and no grace.
Over the last decade, I have spent my time growing up and
changing. I have decided to live in the gray and make my decisions based on the
Bible. I decided living in the gray area was better than the strict black and
white because:
“It’s not my job to
judge”
“I am called to love”
“Everyone deserves
grace”
Even though my motives are much nicer, I have decided that I
am still not doing any favors to my friends. My motives were to make sure
people feel love, mine and God’s, regardless of their past mistakes. I want
everyone to know they have worth and they are precious. I learned these things
through a long path of growth and self-discovery and I wanted others to know
the same things that liberated me. Honestly, it was selfish. These things are
exciting to me and mean something because I learned them myself.
But I haven’t learned where that line is…. the line between
having a sharp tongue of truth and how to show love and grace instead of
encouraging self-destructive behavior.
The Bible says this….
Therefore encourage
one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians
5:11
But then I have to remember
Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
But this is the scripture that drives me in my friendships.
Above all, keep loving
one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality
to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve
one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace. 1 Peter 4:8-10
I think I make being a Christian friend difficult because of
my own hang ups. I can’t save my friends
from making the mistakes I did or their own mistakes. I can’t let my own
insecurities (acceptance, judgment, loneliness) interfere with the purpose God’s
scriptures and I have to trust in God that if I follow his words, I am pleasing
him.
My hope for my actions is this.
As in water face
reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19
And as I find the courage to listen to God over the neurosis
in my head (anxiety, self-doubt) I hope that…
That is, that we may
be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine. Romans 1:12
I feel like even in writing this, I am still arguing with
myself and struggling to find confidence in my role as a Christian friend.
BUT…
Now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest
of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13
